We always know when we have said something in a demeaning or derogatory way – even by mistake. When we say things the right way we can have a smooth-sailing and magic relationship. It really works to use a little forethought in the heat of a situation.
There is nothing more romantic than planning a long-awaited getaway with your loved one. Maybe you two are planning your honeymoon. There are the airlines, the hotels, a cruise line perhaps, luggage and packing, finances, and so much more to take care of together when planning a trip. These things are in your control as a couple. It is bond-building stuff.
Things that are not in your control, however, are the weather, airline delays, hotel reservation mix-ups, single beds rather than a king, etc. If the lack of snow on a ski trip is a big disappointment then it is a disappointment to both of you. If the cab driver gets lost you are both in the same boat, so to speak. When things happen to both of you then there is no stress between the two of you. You are in it together. It’s you and you partner against the world. Again, bond-building stuff.
But sometimes it’s the little ordinary things that can put the conflict in your relationship. You both want the same toothbrush holder or the same towel rack, or you both want the same drawers for your things, or you want to see different sites on your first day, or you want to have dinner at a different place – with different people, or someone didn’t tip the waiter enough; or one of you wants to read at night and the light bothers the other who wants to sleep, etc. – the list goes on and on. These are the things that cause conflict in the relationship. It doesn’t take long to see that one of you has to give in from time to time. Keeping track of the number of times you give in is also a red flag. But that is another conversation for another day.
Danny Kaye once said, “To travel is to take a journey into yourself.” What a great way to learn.
The most positive and important thing you can do is talk about it each time. There are actually certain words you can say to your partner that will reduce or eliminate the possibility of a communication problem. Learn to say it right every time.